No more Teta (Grandma). And for my mom, no more Mother.
We made lots of coffee today at Teta’s house. And we also ate lots of food.
None of which she cooked. None of which she tasted.
And there were many people who cared about her. She gathered them all but she wasn’t there to greet them. Like this my Grandma. She prefers to play it cool, all the time. All the time.
Jeddo is heartbroken. Khalto, my auntie, is like an innocent child whose mother’s hand was snatched away. I feel blessed to be near Mommy. And I secretly and selfishly hope that she is feeling our presence with her, by her side, because she is so precious.
I look back at the memories that Teta left with us and I smile. They are all good memories. Very romantic, when you actually come to think of them. She was always smiling. And I can’t but believe that she is still smiling 🙂
So, last week was the first time that I register, since a very long time ago, that I missed Beirut.
Of course there are reasons why I missed the city. Reasons that have nothing to do with the place or the time. Mostly logistic reasons which could be anywhere, but they happened to be in Beirut.
And it felt good to miss Beirut for a short while. Detach it from its historical and social and personal implications for me and miss it as the place where I can write and see the people I love and communicate with them. It did feel good.
Today, Teta lies unconscious on a bed at AUH. My blood pressure rockets every time I set foot in that place or even think of it (yes, like, now). I don’t like it. It brings bad memories and often accumulates newer bad memories. And today is not going to be an exception, I thinks. I hope I am mistaken. One way or another I feel ok though. This is life. We know this will happen one day or another to each and every one.
I’ll apologize to my Egyptian friends tonight for I am celebrating alone!
I am high on filmmaking tonight.
I am listening to music by my favorite musician Omer Faruk Tekbilek entitled, Your Love is My Cure. What better title to listen to?
I cried tonight. Of happiness.
I know people are dying in Egypt.
I know they’re dying elsewhere.
From death and sadness I learned that we all have the right to laugh at heart and rejoice and love and be loved.
I learned that my smiles and laughs don’t cause a human being to die somewhere else, nor can my sadness stop them from being miserable.
The music is deafening. Beauty always deafens me.
This is why I am celebrating tonight:
A one day shoot after four whole months away from a production sent the adrenalin rushing to my head.
I take it most of the people who read this blog have seen The Hurt Locker.
Right now I feel like a soldier returning to the battlefield without which he can’t live his life to the fullest.
A battlefield that is definitely going to destroy him. But he returns nevertheless.
He sustains an injury. He gets treated, goes through rehab, then comes again.
Feverish for more action.
This was me today.
Today was the first “official” long day of filming on the set of my dear friend Wajdi to whom I send a big salute and a bigger thank you!