I resist the temptation to write sometimes because…

I resist the temptation to write sometimes because I worry I would border on politics. And the truth is I don’t really give a big damn about politics. Nor a small damn, as a matter of fact. Heck, I don’t give a damn at all. But, see, in Lebanon this is already too much politics.

The country celebrated Independence Day yesterday. It was cool. You get to hear lots of BS really. Not that it is rare on usual occasions. It is just cute when suddenly everybody gets proud of the country they mock all year long. I certainly don’t belong to that group of people. I am not proud on any day of year. I prefer to be honest.

Speaking of honesty,,,I saw a clip of the current Miss Lebanon being circulated heavily on the walls of Lebanese friends on facebook. Most of them were criticizing her for speaking “negatively” about her country. I salute this young lady. Somebody ought to tell the truth. And it wasn’t like she announced to the world that we don’t have electricity 24/7 or we have war criminals leading our highly educated people. All she said was that there is so much traffic and noise in the country. I salute this young lady again. Because she still lives in this country, while most of the people who were circulating the video live abroad.

I love the conversations I have with my friend. The other day we had a discussion about the effects of war on society and people collectively. How ethics shift and people’s judgement changes. I told her how it is very difficult to be “normal” in a society like this. If you can’t deal with people driving through red traffic lights, you need to “get over it”. If you can’t push and shove in places where you usually would find queues, you’re a pussy. If you think an M-16 and soldiers with machine guns filling the streets are odd scenes, you better get a life. When things like these become normal for people, they all become abnormal collectively. And when you, the pussy without a life who can’t get over these things, come to give it a second shot in your beloved independent country and point them out, people look at you as if you’re a foreigner: “Where are you from?” To heaven with you. To Lebanon with you.

In today’s conversation I told my friend a simple story that happened in my screenwriting class. A student pitched a futuristic story that takes place in Lebanon in 2047. In the world of her story, people were brainwashed, divided to two camps, and had no opinion of their own. They follow their leaders. In that environment, a man and his wife who’ve maintained their individualism start drifting apart when the woman gets sucked into the “public way of life”. The man decides to win his wife back and on the way to doing so he discovers a way to restore independent thinking to everyone else.
When my student finished her pitch, students started suggesting ways to add conflict to the story. One young lady said, “Maybe one time when the electricity goes off —” and I stopped her, exclaiming: “It’s 2047 for heaven’s sake. Will there still be electricity cuts?” And my beloved students all replied in unison: “Yes, Ms.!”
Tragically funny, I think.

The night is long. Thoughts consume me. Conversations never end. Love waits. Till a new post, have a good night. And good luck!

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No more Teta Grandma And for my mom…

No more Teta (Grandma). And for my mom, no more Mother.

We made lots of coffee today at Teta’s house. And we also ate lots of food.
None of which she cooked. None of which she tasted.

And there were many people who cared about her. She gathered them all but she wasn’t there to greet them. Like this my Grandma. She prefers to play it cool, all the time. All the time.

Jeddo is heartbroken. Khalto, my auntie, is like an innocent child whose mother’s hand was snatched away. I feel blessed to be near Mommy. And I secretly and selfishly hope that she is feeling our presence with her, by her side, because she is so precious.

I look back at the memories that Teta left with us and I smile. They are all good memories. Very romantic, when you actually come to think of them. She was always smiling. And I can’t but believe that she is still smiling 🙂

So last week was the first time that…

So, last week was the first time that I register, since a very long time ago, that I missed Beirut.
Of course there are reasons why I missed the city. Reasons that have nothing to do with the place or the time. Mostly logistic reasons which could be anywhere, but they happened to be in Beirut.
And it felt good to miss Beirut for a short while. Detach it from its historical and social and personal implications for me and miss it as the place where I can write and see the people I love and communicate with them. It did feel good.

Today, Teta lies unconscious on a bed at AUH. My blood pressure rockets every time I set foot in that place or even think of it (yes, like, now). I don’t like it. It brings bad memories and often accumulates newer bad memories. And today is not going to be an exception, I thinks. I hope I am mistaken. One way or another I feel ok though. This is life. We know this will happen one day or another to each and every one.